Life In Slow Motion...The Climb That Counts.

Life in slow motion is never easy.  As a human being, both mind and body are working in synch to progressively move forward through life.....instinctually that is.  My life has been and continues to be quite the opposite for some time now (for what feels like a lifetime to me.)  When i was in Bible College, i remember one pastor who referred to this time in life as "The Waiting Room".  I remember thinking as he rambled on, and honestly i don't even remember the man's name, but this analogy that he made echoes in my head over and over.  Its almost as if life for me, due to circumstance and undetected illness, has been continually frozen on the pause button.  Like i am stuck in this stall pattern, and frantic for God to hit the play button.  At this point any button would be nice actually.  RESUME PLAY.....thats all i want, and that can't be too much to ask right? 

What God is teaching me is that to want this life more than i want Him is wrong.......not to say that i should not want to enjoy life and have dreams.  Believe me, i do!   But to want to resume play, have control or fight to gain possession of the remote, is to dethrone my Creator.  Its like telling the God of The Universe, "Step back, i got this one."  I have been here and tried this method before.  Extremely difficult lesson to learn.......but God desires obedience that defies human nature.  His will for me is that i live for Him, out of love for Him regardless and even in spite of my circumstances....even if that means that i feel stuck in pause mode for awhile. 

He loved me enough to create me, and plan a life for me before i was concieved.  There is a plan, i trust Him enough to wait on Him and for His timing.

Letting go, and letting God.

I am VERY SANGUINE, that is the best description I could ever give of myself.....that is of my personality type i mean.  To anyone with a primarily Sanguine personality, relationships are of grave importance.  In fact, i find myself feeling alone and incomplete when i am feeling isolated, or disconnected from my usual social network or community.  After all, God did not mean for any of us to struggle through, or soar through life on our own!

Sanguine: This is the social-type. They enjoy fun, socialising, chatting, telling stories - and are fond of promising the world, because that's the friendly thing to do :)  Passionate about relationship building, loves people.

So it isn't difficult to imagine the deep sense of regret and loss experienced by the Sanguine when a relationship is severed or damaged. I push and struggle even harder to make the damaged relationships work.  Wasn't it God who commanded me to love as He loved, serve as He served and to give as He gave?   For me, the pain is nearly overwhelming, threatening to consume me.....then i remember that my life is not lived for me, or to cater to my own personal personality type.  God works in all situations, for my good and for His glory.  So i pray for the power to LET GO, AND LET GOD.

Although admitting this truth breaks my heart...there are unhealthy relationships that the Christian, even the Sanguine Christians are responsible before God to walk away from.  I am experiencing that pain in a very intense, and sobering way these past few weeks.  God is showing me that the letting go is necessary, as he moves me out of the way so that He can work......after all, He is the Author of reconciliation. He is the Transformer of hearts, and the Worker of miracles.